Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Why am I here?

I am having one of those days where I am wondering what on EARTH am I doing here??? I never exactly know what brings this on - but usually it means that there's some part of my life that I am not exactly pleased with at the moment, but cannot identify it OR if I can identify it, I can't figure out what to do to make it work with the other parts of my life. (forgive the run-on sentence - NOT an English teacher - lol!). Also, I had a rough day at work with the kids today - so that sometimes sparks it. Normally, I think - I'm doing a good service, providing education, good citizen, yada, yada, yada....But today, I don't even know what I am thinking.
I went on a cruise a couple of weeks ago - I'm wishing I were still in St. Maarten wasting away on the beach and soaking up sun. But, I'm back in reality and it sux right now. I need to start playing the lottery so I can buy a house and move to an island somewhere and not have the responsibilities that I currently have. Something has gotta give soon - I'm just scared of what it's going to be. I can almost feel it coming/see it on the horizon. I'm wondering exactly how long I'm going to be able to handle the life that I have set up for myself without having a complete breakdown. Ugh. But, I can say that I wake up every morning, I'm still alive and the world is still here, so it can be all THAT bad - but, I'm occasionally allowed to wallow in my own little "pity-party" - and I think today is the day for that....
I'm also missing the advice/counsel/venting board of my closest friend right now. She is visiting her family out of town and I don't have the number, and she doesn't have a cell phone (yes, shocking, isn't it??). She's usually the one that screws my head back on and gives me a different perspective, and things don't look so bad. She's the sister I never had, but she now lives about 45 minutes away, so we don't see each other very often. I miss her a lot. I don't have any family around me, so I rely on my friends. Problem is, they keep moving away from me :( Good opportunities for them, so I understand, but it makes things difficult.
So, I think that's it for my pity party - at least for the moment. I have work to do, but I'm procrastinating a bit (hence my logging on to blog), so time to get it done.


At 3:42 PM, February 03, 2005, Blogger DragonStormInAZ said...

Sorry to hear about the day.... Maybe if we all get a bunch of us together from the cruise we could pull enough together for the house in St. Thomas. Think you could live with 100 of your closest friends? LOL

At 6:06 PM, February 04, 2005, Blogger seaslover said...

Sure - as long as I can still have my own bedroom and a view of the ocean - I'll be just fine :) Oh - must bring the dog (maybe even the cat ;)

At 2:49 AM, February 06, 2005, Blogger DragonStormInAZ said...



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