Thursday, June 02, 2005

An interesting night

I had an interesting night that has left me with a few things to think about this AM. I went out with a guy I dated about a year ago - C - who was trying to set me up with his friend (which didn't work out btw). We went to see Star Wars. C is the only guy I've ever dated that I've actually remained friends with after we stopped seeing each other. He's really great, but we are just not right for each other. The really great thing is that we can be brutally honest with each other about things. He's got a good heart and mind and he knows me really well - I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.
So, we were wandering the mall before the movie and he was complaining about being sore from working out, and I said 'you need a massage'. His reply: 'is that an offer'. Me: 'sure'. So, he came back to my place after the movie. Then he spent the night. The great thing - nothing happened. I gave him a massage, he massaged my neck/shoulders, we kissed a little, and then we feel asleep holding each other. I've forgotten how much I've missed doing that. Not necessarily with him, but with someone I care about. I do care about C and what happens to him, but I don't feel romantic or a "relationship" with him. For example: I'm massaging his back and he's talking about this woman that he wants to date but hasn't asked out yet. Hmm....if I cared for him beyond the friendship, I would have felt jealous or hurt in some way - but I didn't. It doesn't bother me, and I was in fact encouraging him to ask this woman out - he needs to find someone and settle down. We talked until about 2 AM (I am TIRED this morning). Unfortunately for him, he had to get up at 5 this AM to go home to get ready for work - I went back to bed and slept until 8 :), but I'm still a little tired. That's what I'm going to miss over the next 18 months or so - the intimacy of someone. Not the sex, but the feeling of being close to someone, waking up with them, watching them sleep (which I did last night for about 30 minutes or so because I couldn't sleep for some reason) and just feeling safe with someone and totally comfortable. I've always felt comfortable around C, that's never been an issue. I almost wish he hadn't stayed, b/c now I know what I'm missing and am going to be missing for a while. But, I don't regret that he stayed - it was nice. I know he's right - someone will be out there that will break down the wall that I surround myself with and get to my core (much like he does), but I'm not going to hold my breath or go looking for it.


At 6:38 PM, June 03, 2005, Blogger The Complimenting Commenter said...

That is such a good post. I'm glad that you had a good time with a friend. Nice job and well written. I hope that you find that someone to cuddle with.


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