Cycles.....

Do you ever feel like everything goes in cycles? Just around, around, around - might be different names or different faces, but that things seem to repeat themselves? I'm having a day like that. I had something pretty eye-opening and incredibly frightening happen to me about a year and half ago - I'm having a deja vu of that time period today. At the same time that happened, I met someone whom I thought was going to be "THE ONE" - yeah, that didn't happen. I've met someone recently who has almost the EXACT same personality of that guy - I'm still looking for something wrong with him. Why? you ask - I don't want to get hurt again. The last one left a lasting impression, and not in a good way. And, to complicate things, he emailed today ("ex-THE ONE" not the new, potential). WTF?? (can I say that here??) Do I respond? He made some accusations that I feel like I should address, but is it really worth the effort? In a way, I want him to know how much he hurt me, so I can clear it out of my head, but does it really do any good? I don't honestly think he cares - except he says that he misses our friendship and doesn't understand why I acted the way I did (that was the gist of the email). If I chose to respond, it's certainly not happening today - I'm just not in the right frame of mind at the moment.

As I mentioned to a friend in an email today - I would like to pack my bags (and my dog :), drive to the airport and just leave. Biologically speaking, that is called the "fight or flight" response. Yes - childish, instinctive, dumb, immature, irrational - any others I may have missed? but all the same - the little red devil on my shoulder is saying "go for it!" It doesn't solve anything, it creates new problems, but maybe the new ones won't be as difficult as the current ones. I'm being very honest here - the current ones are EXTREMELY BAD at the moment (not the guy situation - the personal one) - again, about 1.5 years ago bad - and I had really thought that dealing with stuff like that was over and done with.

CYCLES - the Earth is round, it rotates around the sun, the moon rotates around us, the Earth revolves - is that life - just one big circle and eventually, you get a flat tire and you're dead? (b/c you can no longer rotate of course). To go one step further (yes - very biologically philosophical today), we are all working against the universe - second law of thermodynamics: the universe loves entropy aka chaos and disorder. As we continually try to organize things - in our bodies, in our lives, in our minds, in producing new chemicals and molecules that keep our cells running - we are working against the universe. Only when you die do you actually make the universe happy - you decompose and everything goes back to its simplest state and you increase the amount of disorder. NO - that statement does not mean I am suicidal. I guess I am just wishing to turn back the clock to when life was simpler, I didn't have the responsibilities and unfortunately the problems to deal with that I am dealing with today. What time does that plane leave for St. Maarten????