Thursday, May 26, 2005

Can I just have the Captain please??

I decided to get back on tonight and rationalize what I'm about to do....
First, I had a great afternoon for the first time in a long time - I played hooky after classes today (we had a half day) and played by the pool with my friend who has a timeshare for the week. BLISS!! She got us a round of drinks - and it was called (I'm not joking): Banging the Captain three ways on a comforter - I could have done without the drink and just had the captain at this point.... but here's the reason why not:
I've decided to forego the dating thing for a while - probably at least a year. The whole cancer scare once again has pretty much screwed me up - physically, mentally and emotionally. I can't keep doing this every 18 months, and I'm going to need at least a year of clean tests (this type of cancer is caused by a virus) before I even consider adding the stress of a relationship to my life. Apparently, most women who get this virus "burn it out" and are never affected by it. Well, apparently my immune system is in the toilet - and not due to HIV - but due to stress and my life right now.
I am taking some proactive steps however - and here they are:
1) Getting my a** to the gym - that starts Saturday at 6 AM - why not tomorrow? B/C I have to freaking be at work by 7 AM and there's no way to do it.
2) I am cutting down to one job as of Tuesday, May 31st. I've been working 2 jobs for four years now - it's taking it's toll on me - as shown by this damn virus that won't go away.
3) Yoga - as much as possible, as often as possible to relax.
4) Vacations - I'm going to start taking them.
5) Immune system testing - I go in to get the script/order tomorrow. Apparently, there is a test they can run on your white blood cells to see what types of vitamins you are deficient in. In doing so, they can recommend a diet or vitamins that are supposed to help your white blood cells work better - which is exactly what I need. My doctor thinks the insurance covers the test - I really don't care if it does or doesn't at this point - I need to have this done.
6) Focus on me and not add stress - I will be finishing up one Master's this December, and the second next summer - that gives me about a year to get my life back together and focus on what I need to do to stay healthy and work towards my goals without the stress of a relationship.

I don't think any of these are impossible right now. I will kind of miss having a male to hang out with and connect with, but I've done without before. Plus, I haven't really been meeting anyone worth writing home about anyways, so I think someone's trying to tell me something right about now. It's not time for me to have a relationship - it will come in time, but now is not the right time.


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