Tuesday, April 26, 2005

How to remove a barnacle

Okay, so, one of my students coined the term "barnacle" to describe a guy who is clingy and won't let go. I thought it was actually a pretty good use of a word, considering I, myself, am dealing with a barnacle that I am attempting to extricate myself from. I, once again, tried to call him back tonight and got his voicemail on his phone. He did call me earlier, so I know he's around and he only uses a cell, so don't know what the deal is, but anyways....

This will sound pathetic - he's a great guy. Funny, great personality, a gentleman, caring, compassionate, intelligent, makes a good living ...etc. However, I am just not comfortable being intimate or touchy-feely with him. It's just not there. I've given it about 4 months - at the urging of numerous friends who thought I was nuts to give up on such a wonderful guy - but it's just not there. Kissing is not enjoyable, cuddling is not fun and I don't feel comfortable. I've narrowed it down to a couple of things (which will sound even more pathetic):

1) He's 13 years older than I am, which is not a problem for me (he's 45) BUT - he looks like he's 50. I feel like I am dating my father and that's just plain wrong.
2) The man can't dress. I swear he has one pair of dirty sneakers that I would use in the yard. He wore them on our first date, and it's the only pair of shoes I've ever seen him wear. Hmm....he makes six figures - buy some nice shoes for goodness sake! Okay - this might clear this little thing up - I am a shoe HOUND. I love shoes - I do. It's one of the things I notice first about guys - petty, stupid, childish - but if you're on a first date - dress to impress, don't look like you just came in from yardwork. That's okay once you "with" someone for a while, but in the getting to know you stage, it's all about impressions.
3) The man has a memory like a sieve. I had to email him my schedule - which, by the way, does NOT normally change - which I mentioned to him in the email. Gist of email - do not call me on nights I have class. I won't answer and I'm too tired to call back later. So, when does he always call and leave a message (at home AND on my cell) - when I am IN CLASS. It's gotten really annoying.
4) His yard looks like *#@!. This is an issue for me - it says-"I don't care about what my house looks like and take no pride in it". Hmmm... I DO take pride in my home and want it to look nice. Working the yard is relaxing to me and I enjoy it and value it - I like my home to look nice and appealing when I come home everyday.
5) I cannot stand his cologne and he wears a gallon of it. BIG turn off. Just can't do it. I'm not sensitive to smells, but I swear it's the same aftershave my dad wears. Yes - fixable, but with all the other things, it just adds up to too much stuff to be fixed.
6) His age and he wants kids - which means if this were to go somewhere, I would probably end up having kids almost immediately, which I don't want to do right now.
7) When I think of what my life would be like in 5 or 10 years, I can't picture him there with me. Big warning sign. A very influential teacher that I had once told me "If you can't see yourself doing something, it's probably not meant to be." I can't see me with him, so I just don't think it's going to happen.

So, some of the reasons above are probably shallow, some are more gut instinct. My gut was telling me this 4 months ago - so I've decided I won't ask my friends for dating advice any more. If the gut says no, it means no and then I back out before I have a permanent thing attached to my phone(s) that I cannot unglue. Did you know that they make denture glue from secretions from barnacles? Yes, they are that strong and stay put even when you dump a ton of water on them. I need to scrape this one off!!!


At 7:41 PM, April 26, 2005, Blogger Sascha said...

If it's not there, it's not there. With my last one, it got so that I couldn't bear to be in the house with him and I cringed if he touched me.

Who cares if this guy has piles of money and security. If you can't love him, what can it possibly do for you? One of the best guys I know grossed 20k this year and I'd marry him in a second, if he weren't 200 miles away. Good thing he doesn't read this blog though, huh?

At 11:23 AM, April 27, 2005, Blogger DragonStormInAZ said...

What the @%#$ are you doing listening to your friends? LOL
I find it odd to find that you seem to indicate how great this guy is based on all sorts of generalities and the esoteric, but when it comes to specifics on why he is not so great you have a very defined view on the not so great. Bottom line, he is obviously not so great for you and vice versa. If he has those general good qualities he will be sure to find someone who does not find the rest bad and not "escaping" this barnacle does him more harm than good as well. You are keeping him from finding his "one". How selfish of you! :)

In other news, I am very afraid if you ever end up seeing my backyard anytime soon! Blasted winter rain records, desperate desert weeds, and allergies! You are allowed to visit no earlier than 2010.

By then I should have San Carlos all mapped out for Scuba so you and R can join me.


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