Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Something...

is either different, or I'm just being paranoid...I don't know which. I hope I'm just being paranoid. D sounded different on the phone tonight - normal, but just different. I also asked if he would like to stay here tomorrow (he didn't drive back today) and he said (which I can understand) that he would really like to sleep in his own bed after a week and a half - which I can understand. But odd that he didn't suggest that maybe I just stay at his place. The paranoid part of me is thinking he's changed his mind since we've been apart for almost 2 weeks....or that being around the stress of a wedding has made him think that it's something he doesn't want to do, so it might be best to just break it off with me now. The "normal" side of me is saying not to worry - he's just still tired and stressed and it's been a tough 2 weeks for him. I'm not sure how I will handle him telling me (if that's what is going to happen) that he wants to just be friends. It literally hurts to think about that happening. I've NEVER had a relationship go so well for so long - there's always something that I find that I just can't deal with - that hasn't happened here. So, I'm scared, nervous, anxious - just about every emotion possible. Today has DRAGGED on - I'm not sure tomorrow will be much better. He said he will try to call later tonight or sometime tomorrow from the road - if he does (especially if he calls back tonight) I think I will be more reassured by everything. If not, I don't think it's going to be a good night - the ugly paranoid part of me is not going to be pretty.....

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