Saturday, February 04, 2006

Black Sheep

That old expression "Black sheep of the family" - yeah, I think I know what that feels like. It's the last person to know anything and is generally treated like shit by at least one (or more) family members. Why do I understand the definition? Oh, apparently, I'm the "black sheep" in my family.

How exactly did this come about? Well, it started with my divorce. Then, the fact that I don't have kids. Now, my dad doesn't care one whit about any of that. He loves me and supports me no matter what I do. My mother is the exact opposite. I felt this keenly this week.

My uncle died on Thursday. As bad as this sounds, this was not a side of the family that I was close to - it's my mother's brother-in-law (her sister's husband). I get an EMAIL on Wednesday morning saying he is in renal failure. So, on Wednesday, I attempt to the be the "good daughter" and call my mother to see where things stand on Wednesday night, since he wasn't expected to live very long. I get the usual 45 minute synopsis of my mother's life, with her taking no interest in mine whatsoever - I mean, I don't even have any children to take about, much less a boyfriend or husband, why on EARTH would she ask me questions about my life? So, at the end of the conversation, I ask if she's heard from my brother (who IS married and who HAS kids). She says no, not even an email. I ask her to please let me know when he passes - I don't think I will be able to come down for services, but again, I'm attempting to be the "dutiful daughter".

I get a call on Thursday - from my dad. Here's the conversation:
Dad: So, I guess you heard that Howard died.
Me: Um, no, I didn't know that. (Note: I called my dad on Wed. to let him know the situation in case my mother, for some bizarre reason, decided to call him - you never know with her)
Dad: You didn't get an email or phone call?
Me: No. How did you find out?
Dad: Well, your mother called your brother and he just called me.
Me: Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that he died, but I think he's better off.
Dad: I'm really sorry, I thought your mom would have called.

I could go on with the rest of it, but it gets pretty bad from there. I did, finally receive an email today from her. Here's what it said:
Subject line: Howard died
There's going to be a small service with friends and family at the house. I'll have my cell with me if you need me, ok? Love you, J. Mom

Why would I need her? When I even ask her to call me, she doesn't. Here was my reply:
I already knew. M (my brother) called Dad and Dad called me on Thursday. But thanks for the email. I don't think I'll be able to make it down on such short notice.

Notice that I attempted to be civilized by thanking her for her "timely" email. I can't really type what I'm actually thinking at the moment. I will say this, I can't wait to move. And if I can't go and take my job with me, I think I've just made up my mind that I will find another one no matter what just so I can get further away from this woman who claims to be my mother and supposedly cares about me. Oh, wait, I'm confusing myself with my perfect sister-in-law that HAS children. Yes, the sarcasm is certainly flowing out of me today.


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