Thursday, March 23, 2006

Not that into you

I finished reading a very interesting book whilst in England. I did make it to England - it was phenomenal and I will have to blog about it once I can get my 300+ pictures downloaded and remember everything we did!
But, back to the book. I strongly recommend that every female in her right mind needs to read it: "He's just not that into you". What an eyeopener.
The premise of this book is that a man would rather cut off his arm than tell a girl he's not into her. And, that various "signals" are sent out by guys that tells us women that he is not into us. Hmmm....makes you wonder why men continue to complain that they can't read our minds and we should just TELL them what we mean and not send signals. Yeah, okay, tell me another one guys....

So, this book basically is telling us females that we should NOT waste time on men who are not into us. And it serves as a basic guide on what guys do to send signals that tell us he is "just not into you". It also reminds us females that we are worthy individuals, and attempting to make a relationship "work" and work at a relationship is silly. We should not waste our time on someone who is not into us - save time and move on sista! Yes, that's what I got out of it. I also found a few signals that I have been exposed to in the past that if I had read this book sooner, I would have dumped these guys (including, not surprisingly, my ex-husband) and moved onto someone else and not wasted time. Now, I really don't mean that every relationship has been a total wash - I've learned some valuable things from each one. But, I'm a bit of a slow learner sometimes. The signals make it easy.

Here are a few choice "reminders" from the book that I will need to keep on hand for future reference b/c I have seen these signals before:
  • You deserve a fucking phone call. - Meaning: If he says he's going to call and doesn't - this does NOT mean I should pick up the phone and call him. Move on. If he says he's going to call soon and a week goes by before he does - I'll dump him. Keep your word. If you're interested, you should not be able to WAIT a week to pick up the phone to talk again.
  • You are good enough to be asked out. - Meaning: don't ask him. If he's into me, he'll ask. I will no longer waste time agonizing about should I or shouldn't I.
  • Don't be with someone who doesn't do what they say they are going to do. Meaning: I think that one is self-explanatory.
  • The "I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now" = "I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you". - Meaning: Again, kind of self-explanatory. This is a polite rejection by men.
  • When a man says he can't be monogamous, you should believe him. - Meaning: If a man demonstrates he cannot be monogamous (ex/ex-husband or Jim the asshole) and I CATCH him at it - dump and don't look back. In my mind right now I am honestly questioning what the HELL I was thinking when I took these two assholes back into my life time and time again. NO MORE FOR THIS CHICA!!
  • There's no excuse for cheating. - Meaning: See the previous bullet.
  • You can't talk your way out of a break-up. It is not up for discussion - it is a definitive action. Cut him off and let him miss you. - Meaning: I have been stupid enough in the past to pick up the phone and talk to these assholes who have broken up with me. Again, what was I thinking??!!?? Hmmm - I have caller ID now - makes life a little easier - no longer will I pick up the phone if an ex-asshole is calling me. ESPECIALLY if he broke up with me. He didn't want to be with me to begin with if he did the breaking up, why should I give him the time of day OR another opportunity to hurt me? He knows he screwed up and missed out on something good - no longer my problem. Time to find someone who knows he's got a good thing and won't screw it up.
  • Don't give him the chance to reject you again. - Meaning: See previous bullet.
  • You already have one asshole. You don't need another. - Meaning: Hmmm...kind of self-explantory.

So, that's my new list of guidelines for dating and the interpretation guide to signals that guys apparently send out to us to let us know they are not interested. So, no more wasting time. ...grin.... Man, I LOVED this book. Females - go buy it!!!!