Sunday, July 31, 2005

I have just become....

....a bitch. Yep, I've gone over the edge to bitch-dom this morning and I'm not sure that there is any turning back. Once again, the idiots across the street - who have PLENTY of room in their driveway and in front of their home, have parked a car in front of my house. So, how did I become a bitch? The tow truck is on it's way - they just called to get directions - to tow it. Do I care? Nope, not really - I've been dealing with this shit for over a year now and I'm tired of it. I warned them one final time that I would no longer ask them not to do this or call the sheriff or anything else if it happened again - I would just call the tow company. I'm done. I really, really, really, hate the fact that I have become a bitch.

Friday, July 29, 2005

PS on the Notebook

Yes, a couple of things to add:
1) R did not shed a single tear during the entire movie - I am apparently "sappy". Yeah, right, okay. Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE to cry and almost never do it. If you've seen the movie, you know it's tearjerker - it ranks right up there with "Steel Magnolias'
2) Read fast - I may draft both of these by tomorrow AM when I come to my senses and realize what I wrote. I'm already having second thoughts but am too tired to deal with them right now - eyes are burning and I need to chase R out of the house so I can go to bed.

The Notebook

I saw this one in the theater and cried - of course, I then buy it and haven't watched it, knowing that it will be worse now that I know the ending. I was right. My friend R came over tonight - we were supposed to do homework while watching - yeah, rrrrrrriiiiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttt. So, my eyes are red, my nose is stuffy and I cried a lot tonight. I kind of needed to do it - release a little bit - maybe I will actually sleep good tonight.

I've had some really bizarre dreams about my ex-husband lately. R says it's b/c I haven't let go. Believe me, I've let go. When I found out he got married last year - that was the end of it. I don't feel anything towards him - positive or negative - and have no desire to be friends or anything else. I don't want him back. So, why the bizarro dream? I have no clue. I need to get away from here - permanently. I'm ready for a change. I want to fast forward this year and just get it done and so I am one step closer to leaving.

R says I am sabotaging myself. At the end of the movie she's like "I want to find a man like that who will stand by me..." yada, yada, yada. My response: They don't exist. Men like that don't exist in the real world. Then she came back with the sabotage remark. I don't think that's me. She says I go "looking for problems with the guys I date and have relationships with". Um, don't see it. I have a great friendship with C, who is a guy, whom I have had sex with, and who I care a lot about - in fact I love him, but not in a bf/gf kind of way - I love him as a close friend and I share a lot with him that I never would even have shared with my ex. I don't go "looking" for something wrong with him, and I don't judge him. I stand by and support him with everything he's gone through and is going through now. She says "well, that's b/c you're not in a relationship with him" But, I AM in a relationship with him. And quite honestly - I don't want to be in a relationship with a man who ISN'T my friend on the level that C is on with me and us. That would not be a good relationship - and it would be the equivalent to every other relationship I've ever had.

I've never gone "looking" to find something wrong with a guy I date. Usually, it just smacks me in the face. My ex - I OVERLOOKED all of his faults - and his major fault was other women. I ignored it even when my best friend B warned me about it - while we were married, in my own house and the girl was standing not 10 feet away - she knew - I OVERlooked it. Duh....
I didn't go "looking" to find something wrong with Jim (another ex) - it smacked me in the face and I gave him 2 chances to either back out or continue in the relationship - 3rd time it happened, I walked. I think I am learning faster (Jim had the same problem as Lee - other women). With Lee (ex-husband) it took me 12 years (no, really not joking here - wish I was) to figure it out and leave for good and write him out of my life (quite literally in the divorce paperwork), but it only took me 8 months with Jim - I think that's a better learning curve - do you agree?

At any rate, I'm happy where I am right now. I'm reading my damn ed psych book (ALMOST done - woohoo!!) and have had to do some research. I'm getting ready to start my "social clock" paper - that will be a hoot. At first, I thought I really had screwed myself over b/c I am sssssoooo not on the social clock that everyone else is - and that freaked me out for a bit. But, then I read today that women who choose the more "masculine" social clock of career first over family generally have higher self-esteem, are more independent and motivated than women who choose the "feminine" social clock of getting married in the 20s, having kids over career, blah, blah, blah. Many of my friends chose that route - I'm happy for them. But, I learned quickly to NOT go out with them in large groups - we have nothing in common. In small doses, and one-on-one, we do just fine.

So, why did I start this tonight - oh yeah, the movie. Hmmm.....

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Icon-ology ;)

Thanks to psychosoccermom for pointing me to this site - she always finds such fun things to do!

What Icons are for you?(Thank you for #1!! Please check out my other Memes!!) by ladyallie
Favourite Colour
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Jedi + frisbee = accident

Okay, I promise I'm not trying to kill my dog - remember my 50 things post - I love him a lot!

Idiot me throws the frisbee in the backyard - a high throw. Jedi jumps for it (of course) but too close to the fence. He yelps, lands, then picks up the damn frisbee and limps it over. Not lying - he wouldn't put weight on it at all. Got him inside and checked him - he keeps licking one part of his leg. I've manipulated it and felt all along the bone and he doesn't wimper. He's putting a little weight on it tonight, but I'm still concerned. This is one of those times I wish he could talk!!!!!!! I'm giving it until tomorrow afternoon (24 hours) - if he's still limping he's getting x-rays again. ....sigh.... one more trip to the vet - not that he really minds. Me - oh, I'm just groovy about this tonight. As if I needed one more challenge today or even this frigging week. I was almost in tears earlier - my dog never, never, ever yelps unless he is in severe pain. Maybe 4 times the entire time I've owned him have I heard him whimper or yelp in pain and it tears out my heart every time. He's so stoic - even the vet said that about him. It's hard to tell when he's sick or injured - I love him - he's such a trooper. I realize that this is my fault, and my dad already berated me on the phone for it - not watching what I was doing. But, he normally stops when he's that close, but it's still my fault. This sucks.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Something just happened in the yard that just made me smile, so here's #51:

I LOVE when my dog chases the damn neighbor's cat out of my yard and up and over my fence. I do love cats (I own one) but I really do not think it's appropriate to allow your cat to roam free to a) kill birds and b) poop in the neighbor's yards. Therefore, I have absolutely no problem whatsoever allowing Jedi to have a little bit of fun and chase the cat off :-D It was funny as hell and he stayed occupied sniffing the entire yard for any more signs of it for about 20 minutes - and yes, I am procrastinating and I'm getting ready to go work ...sigh...

50 things

I ran across another blog today that listed "50 things I hate" - well, hate is such a strong word, so I decided to do 50 things that I love instead. This is a mindless, senseless list, and feel free to NOT leave comments. For me, when I'm having a rough day, I can look back on this and find something to smile about :)

1. I love my family - my real family and my extended family (step-sisters I inherited through my dad's remarriage). I really, really love and miss my dad.
2. I love my dog - Jedi (gee, that's a no brainer!)
3. I love my cat - Jasmine
4. I love my friends - B, R, E, C
5. I love to work in my yard, even when it's hot outside.
6. I love lying in bed when it's pouring down rain outside and reading a really good book.
7. I love hot showers - even in the summertime.
8. I love science - I am a nerd.
9. I love learning new things - the main reason I am back in grad school.
10. I love the smell of rain in the fall outside in a forest - everything looks and smells cleaner.
11. I love being at the beach, closing my eyes and listening to the sounds of the surf.
12. I love listening to Jimmy Buffet
13. I love walking - with my dog of course!
14. I love how my house is decorated - and the fact that it is mine and no one else's :)
15. I love being single right now.
16. I love the fact that I can take care of and support myself, and that I have been doing so for 4 years now.
17. I love fantasy and sci-fi movies - I like to just spend the night in watching movies.
18. I love some of my former students as if they were my own.
19. I love my nephews and niece and my two favorite step-nephews, whom I treat as if they are my real ones.
20. I love where I grew up and the fact that I lived in the same house and didn't move for 15 years.
21. I love my dog - I know, it's a repeat, but it's important!
22. I love walking barefoot on the beach and feeling the warm sand between my toes.
23. I love sharks - I think they are incredible animals.
24. I love hiking in the rain in the woods.
25. I love that I am healthy and am able to get up, out of bed and function each day on my own.
26. I love the Caribbean and wish I could go on vacation more often to see the parts of it I haven't seen yet.
27. I love that I am back in school and working towards two degrees to help me in life.
28. I love that I am putting myself through school.
29. I love that I am independent and that I do not ask for help from others unless there is no other way for me to do what needs to be done.
30. I love my department chair - she's my second mom and gives me tons of good advice.
31. I don't know if I "love" this - but I'm glad my husband left me and we got a divorce. I don't think I would be as strong and happy as I am now if we had stayed together. I am glad we split and he doesn't speak to me - I don't need him or want him.
32. I love that I am strong enough to get through the problems life has thrown at me.
33. I love that my friends are there to support me and not judge me as I make mistakes.
34. I really, really love and miss my dad.
35. I love what I do right now, but I am looking forward to moving on in the world and enjoying another career.
36. I love Disney movies.
37. I love taking pictures - if I had enough money to quit my job and support myself, I think I would take up photography full time - especially nature photography.
38. I love any type of ocean animal - they are all really cool.
39. I love planning for the future and accomplishing my goals and dreams - it makes me feel stronger and as though I am making a difference in my life and the lives of others.
40. I love that my friends trust me and ask for my opinion and support as they go through rough times or good times.
41. I love birdwatching - birds are cool and I like to watch them at the feeder in my backyard.
42. I love being outside on a "winter's" day in Florida.
43. I love sitting out back on my porch in my chair my dad made for me - reading or talking on the phone or just enjoying being outside.
44. I love that I am becoming a "girl" and I'm beginning to take more time for me - and that I am not doing it for a "guy" or anyone else - just me.
45. I love that I have gone beyond the stage where I think (and I did think this at one point) that I "need" a man to take care of me.
46. I love watching my roses bloom.
47. I love and miss Irene - she was a big part of my life and my adopted grandmother.
48. I love doing things around the house - painting, fixing, adding new stuff - I love that I can do most of these things on my own without help now.
49. I love sitting in a bookstore or a library and just relaxing and reading a good book.
50. I love exercising and working out and I am thankful that I am able to do these things to stay healthy.

So, that's my list - I could probably think of 100 things, but that would take time and I ....sigh.... have housework and grad school work and school work to do this evening. There are other things floating around in my brain right now - and I am beginning to get my focus back, which is great. So, my next post will have to be on my "mission" - after all, that's the name of my blog and I have yet to write about it in 7 months! Yikes! Where did the time go??

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The Lancaster Summary

Well, here's the summary of the last three weeks of my life in Lancaster, PA teaching the gifted children. I really enjoyed the teaching aspect of it - it was fun and my TA this year was incredible. She was motivated, took initiative, and just pleasant to be around. I am hoping that we will keep in touch.

So, to recap the list that I started during the first week and never finished:

Mork (not his real name) is the designated womanizer (at least to me - and I can usually spot guys like this a mile away now). So, last summer he hit on one of the chem instructor's TAs. It apparently lasted longer than just the 3 weeks, but not long enough for this summer. So, the second or third night, we observe him talking to the TA of the SAME chem instructor as last summer. Last summer, the instructor had a problem with his TA getting to class on time in the mornings, and Mork and the TA were "caught" in the middle of something on a couch by a different chem instructor. So, we started taking bets on what would happen this year. So far, none of us are winning. We pretty much predicted this new TA fling wouldn't last - she's too young for him (19) and Catholic. So, we gave him snaps for trying ;)

My experience began with 2 incredibly delicious martinis at a place called Damon's here in town at the mall - WOW. SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than the regular apple tinis I drink - YUM! I downed two in a row without even blinking! I did remember to drink water, but my friend, E (who came up this year as well) had to drive us back to the dorms. I was pretty happy :-D

I unfortunately did not really partake of milk and cookies this year. TOO busy. I'm still technically working for my online job, AND taking 3 onlines grad courses AND teaching up here. What the hell was I thinking???? So, I went one night, it was a pretty sorry excuse for milk and cookies, and left. Milk = alcohol, cookies = appetizers. So, I may go to Doc's later tonight to drink (one final round) OR I may wait until crab fest tomorrow night. Which, should be really interesting this year. I'm still anticipating someone who I thought was a friend and a nice guy (K) making a total and complete ass of himself falling over this girl who is here this year (C) and has a serious bf. Although, he hasn't been chasing after her lately, and he actually asked to sit down and eat with us tonight, and not with her and she was only about 10' away, so that was interesting as well. I'm a little pissy about that. He's been a butthead towards me since that evening with her and a couple of other people. I pretty much distanced myself after that night as soon as I saw what was going on. BOTH of them (and my friend E, who is married) were flirting. E doesn't know that she was flirting, or she doesn't consider it flirting, but she was. I guess when you are single, and my personality is such that I tend to sit back and watch people interact with each other, then you notice things more. Several people up here even asked me what was going on between E and K - I defended her, but I told her about it and she totally freaked out. I did it more to warn her about what can happen here. When you spend 3+ weeks in close quarters with the same people almost 24/7, things are noticed that would not be in a normal situation. You are trapped here, and people talk. I just didn't want it to get back to her OR have someone say something directly to her and she fly off the handle in public or in front of kids - that would have been bad......
So, tomorrow should be fun - since crab fest is BYOB and people get pretty trashed. Can't wait ;)

There is an increible beer up here called Strawberry wheat - it's a microbrew thing. I NEVER drink beer - except up here :) There will be lots of it available tomorrow - so it will be hard deciding WHAT to drink - lol

There is a strange creature living in my a/c unit in my room. It came out again last night and promptly scurried back into the a/c vents. So, we had another talk (since I couldn't get to a shoe fast enuf to squash it). I told it that if it wants to live, it should stay in the a/c unit and eat all the critters living in there. I'm only here a couple more days, and then it can have the room all to itself. I haven't seen it since, but the shoe is now closer to the a/c unit. Following up with bugs - we killed two centipedes (which are venomous and some people are allergic to them) in the bio lab - which also flooded this past week due to the freaky rain we've been getting. The weather has not been as good here as last year - it was actually humid yesterday - which SUCKED!! I come here to get away from the frigging heat and humidity in Florida - not experience it further north!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DID get a pedicure (which has held up very nicely :) whilst up here. I did NOT get my massage :( However, upon return to Florida, I will make an appointment. I'm very glad I brought the Doan's back stuff with me - these beds are horrible and I haven't really slept well in three weeks. I can't WAIT to get back to my bed!!! I am even missing the dog hair on my PJ's and sheets right now ...sigh...

And, to make matters worse than the stinky beds and creatures of the a/c units, for the first 2-3 days in our dorm, we had no. hot. water. NOT joking. And it's not just "cold" water, it's freaking mountain springs cold water when it's below 0 outside!!!!! So, after much complaining to the staff here, they finally fixed it. This happened some last year too. It doesn't sound bad, but when you have hair as thick as mine that traps water like a sponge so it can then trickle down your back even when you are NOT directly in the water, it sucks.

I will say that it is beautiful up here. When I get back to Florida I will post pics - I can't do it from this machine. I will take some pics of the Adirondack chairs on the green and the campus. It's so small and peaceful here. They also have a farmer's market :) with an Amish gentleman who sells all kinds of different jams and jellies. AND a great deli that has magnificent cheese!!! I NEVER buy cheese - I bought 2 pounds of cheese - smoked gouda and a really cool English cheese that is soft and has blueberries mixed in. I know, it sounds weird and I turned up my nose at first, THEN he gave me a sample - WOW!!! It was great. So, we're walking over again tomorrow AM so I can finish picking up jams and jellies for friends (and more cheese for me - we already consumed the gouda on wine & cheese night :) and then we're making a brewery run to pick up beer - oh. yeah. baby.

So, that's it for the moment. I'm sure I will think of more things later - but I have to go for the last study hall session - WOOHOO!!!!!

Friday, July 08, 2005

Smurf-sized panty-liners

Okay, I know I have other stuff to blog about that's going on here in PA, but I had an obsessive need to share the smurf-sized panty-liner story today. I should also mention that I am procrastinating writing my evaluations while I eat my illegal peanut M&M's (we are the peanut-free site and are not supposed to have peanuts of any kind on campus - which of course means we all begin craving them by the end of the second week).

So, they gave us this little "first-aid" bag during orientation in case a "kid gets a papercut to save the health office from a 1" thick amount of paperwork". So, today, I poke myself with a freaking scalpel blade. Nothing serious, but it WAS bleeding, so I needed to wash it off, put ointment on and a band-aid. And, fortunately (or so I thought) I had my first-aid baggie in my backpack. So, I look for the band-aid. WTF were they thinking???? It's an ADHESIVE BANDAGE OVER 5 FREAKING INCHES LONG. For a PAPERCUT????? What did the paper cut - a four inch long gash in their head?? So, me, in my infinite wisdom and tired brain state held it up to the class and asked why on earth the idiots in the health office gave me a maxi-pad made for a smurf. Yeah, the class pretty much lost it at that point. But, it was incredibly funny and I was pretty pissed off about it. My TA found me a normal sized band-aid. But, if a smurf does actually show up to my class and is needing a sanitary napkin, I'm all set.