Saturday, October 28, 2006


I've talked with several gf's today, and all agree that I am probably over-reacting - as usual. I think I'm actually just afraid to let myself be happy, and I don't think I deserve to be treated well by someone. I'm not trying to excuse what happened, but I have decided to take a "wait and see" approach rather than flipping out about it. I discussed (in a roundabout way) the "incident" today without really stating it outright, and I'm choosing to believe what he said. As one friend advised, I don't want to be naive about this, but I don't want to be paranoid and flip out either. I should be smart, and be patient, and see if the situation resolves itself within the next week. If not, then I will approach it from a standpoint of my feelings and see what happens then.
So, bottom line - I'm paranoid and probably should not be allowed to date, but here I am, and I'm dating and I want this.

Friday, October 27, 2006

To trust or not to trust? That is the real question

Things have been progressing well between D and I. Which makes me scared. And happy. But now, mostly scared.

Why is it that everytime something seems to "fall into place" for me, I find out something that fucks it up? Pardon the language - little tired and just about ready to have a complete breakdown.

How do you really know you can trust someone? How do you find out if they lied to you about something? If you do find out, what do you do about it? Do you confront it? Sit back and see if the situation resolves itself? Lie to yourself and tell yourself, "it wasn't that big of a deal, he's worth it"? How do you make the pain you feel in your heart go away when you discover the lie?

Do all men lie? I'm just curious. I've blogged about this before. I think men, in general, are incapable of telling the truth. Maybe they think they won't get caught? Or, maybe they are just really good at lying even more about it when they do get caught and we (women) are desperate to believe them. Or do they think lying isn't that big a deal?

I just drove (last weekend) 9 hours (18 round trip) to see D. He said everything went well - we talk everyday - several times a day. He says he can't wait to see me. He calls me, I'm not just calling him every time. He says he's in it "for the long haul". I've met his parents. He's coming up over Thanksgiving to meet mine. Then, tonight, I think he lied to me - about something pretty important. How do I deal with this? I've fallen for this guy. Very fast, and very hard. I want to be with him more than anything, and my heart actually hurts. What do I do?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Stupid people - ugh!

Stupid people are really annoying. Maybe people just don't think for some reason, and really aren't stupid. Here are two similar examples:

Example 1: During the hurricanes in Florida - we listen to the radio once the TV and power go out. They broadcast the news (audio only of course) on the radio. The announcers will say "If you need assistance, please call the number that is scrolling on the screen." Hmmm - we can't see the frigging screen!!!

Example 2: I had a meeting today where we are using a program that allows both visual AND auditory capabilities. We have IM on this system. One person was IMing and saying they could not hear the microphone. So, what does the main person do to help? You would think use the IM if the person can't hear them. Nnnnnooooo - that would make sense. She gave the directions over the speaker. Okay, if I IM I can't hear you, then I still CAN'T hear you to fix the problem. DUH!!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Southern Hospitality

I just got my first *true* taste (quite literally!) of southern hospitality last Saturday night. My neighbors invited me for dinner with their family. Little did I know that they meant ALL of her family! There must have been close to 30 people that showed up! Her grandfather cooked - and he is from New Orleans - WOW!!!! We had gumbo, and for dessert - bananas foster. The bananas wouldn't light - so they just kept dumping more rum in to speed up the process! It's a very good thing that I only live about 50 feet away - I was in no shape to drive any where after that!!

On a different note - I'm "dating" someone. I say that loosely - we haven't met. He lives 550 miles away. I must be crazy. He is coming up (I think) for my birthday weekend, and we've already got the plane for Thanksgiving - and yes, he will meet my dad. This is kind of a big decision for me. I've never let any guy that I've dated meet my dad - not even Jim. I guess in my heart I knew he wasn't going to be "the one", but really just didn't want to admit it because I loved him (note the past tense there). This one is different. I miss him and we haven't seen each other in 14 years. He dated one of my best friends in high school, which made him off limits back then. No such problem now! He still talks to her (they live in my hometown), but there's nothing there. What he doesn't know is that I'm actually coming down next week to visit early - he has no clue. I'm really hoping he has not found this blog, but I don't think he has or he would have given me shit about some of the stuff on here already. This is weird - we've already had all of the "important" conversations - we just haven't seen each other. I've begged, and I mean literally begged, my stepsisters (2 in particular) to behave themselves at Thanksgiving. We are also going to a Thrashers game Sat. night of Thanksgiving. I am going to an NHL game - WOOHOO!!!! I'm glad he's going too, but I'm REALLY excited to finally get to a hockey game - it's been wwwwaaaaayyyyyy too long!